How To Create A Secure Attachment Style

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Life can be a wild ride, full of ups and downs. But imagine having a secret weapon: a built-in confidence that helps you navigate it all. That's what a secure attachment style feels like. Having a secure attachment style is fundamental to fostering healthy, supportive, and fulfilling relationships. It promotes a sense of well-being and resilience, enabling us to thrive both within our relationships and in our personal lives. 

““Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” - Hellen Keller

Ways to create secure attachment in relationships:

Learn about your own attachment style

There are four main attachment styles as well as associated thoughts-behaviors. Learning your own empowers you to spot trends in your relationship history which makes it easier to make plans to break unhelpful patterns. To learn about different attachment styles see here.

Examine your beliefs on relationships

Views on relationships usually are set very early in life. Therefore it's important to re-examine what is actually true about your current relationships and abandon beliefs and interpretations that do not serve you, and with time and effort it is possible to have fulfilling relationships.

Act opposite to your unhelpful attachment styles

If you have anxious style try taking small steps toward becoming more independent. If avoidant, try letting your guard down & initiate emotional intimacy.

Increase your emotional awareness

Learn to express and tolerate your own emotions. This makes you better able to accept and empathize with the emotions of your partner. This will help to decrease reactivity and increases attachment security.

Communicate openly

Listen empathetically, being secure requires communicating in a respectful open hearted way. When conflict happens, collaborate with your partner to help each other feel understood and connected even when you disagree. For more on difficult conversations see here.

Seek others with healthy relationships

It's helpful to surround yourself with others who have healthy relationships. Try to observe how they think and behave.

Creating a secure attachment style in relationships offers numerous benefits for both your individual well-being and the health of your partnerships.

Here's a glimpse of the positive impacts:

Stronger, more fulfilling relationships:

Secure attachment fosters trust, emotional intimacy, and a sense of security within relationships. This allows you to connect with your partner on a deeper level, encouraging a more satisfying and lasting bond.

Improved emotional regulation:

With a secure attachment style, you're better able to manage your emotions in a healthy way. You can express your feelings openly without resorting to emotional manipulation or withdrawal.

Greater self-esteem:

Secure attachment contributes to a healthy sense of self-worth. You feel confident and deserving of love, leading to more positive interactions in your relationships.

“In essence, if we want to direct our lives, we must take control of our consistent actions. It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently.” - Tony Robbins

Creating a secure attachment style is an investment in your overall well-being. It empowers you to build strong, lasting relationships, embrace challenges, and navigate life with confidence and compassion.  With a little self-awareness and effort, you can develop this valuable asset and live your best life. 

- peace, love, and light ✨











Location: Melbourne VIC, Australia

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